A Smoker's Journal of Final Moments

Day 1

I fucking love you Ciggie,I dont & won't give you up. No matter whatever happens. I have been in love with you since grade 7 when that Fucker Lala introduced you to me. I remember kissing you for the first time. I coughed like hell but you wanted me & I wanted you too. 10 years baby, 10 years together & now they say I gotta leave you or else I am gonna die.


Day 2


I have been diagnosed with Tuberculosis twice in the last 3 years because of you,they say repeatedly,as if I don't know that. I may catch lung cancer, if I continue to smoke but I can't stop. I just can't. Why do you keep asking who are they ? When you know who doesn't want to see us. Its my girlfriend, my family, some friends not all of them because most of them are also in love with you like me.


Day 3


Oh baby I love you. You know today I smoked like 2 packs of Classic regular, you come in all shapes & sizes but when you come in guise of Classic or Marlboro. I just can't stop puffing you around. They say you don't drink a cigarette or alcohol or fuck an escort alone. You need to share them. I do share you, I am not jealous.

Day 4


You know why I love you, because you come to me when I am in need of you. When I am gloomy, you come to me. When I am happy, you come to me. When I am alone you come to me, when I am with friends you come to me. You make me cool, you make me look like a rockstar, when I am with you. Without you I don't feel good baby.

Day 5


Oh this rotten feeling of not finding you in every other hour will drive mad. I need you so bad, I need you, without a puff of your magical body burning itself for my pleasure & going up in ashes just for me is just so romantic. Oh I got you. I got you, I got you.


Day 6


Shit, Shit, Shit. I hate my doctor, why does he need to be so pushy & influential. The way the bastard describes you, he says you are a cancer stick, you are an angel of death, wait that's me, he says you are going to be the death of me. He knew somewhat of my problems. This bloody diagnosis takes all our moments out in a bad light. Sigh, I Love you Ciggie.


Day 7




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Day 8


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Day 9


I don't remember the last two days, I was on an hospital bed without you. I am diagnosed with Lung Cancer & am lying on a bed in an hospital. You caused all this.




Day 10


I am beginning to wonder about you, hallucinating if I put it right. I am seeing things, I am seeing you in a bad light. You are not just in love with me. You have countless lovers. You say You don't mind mind being theirs but I mind. Yeah, I know, I know, you will say that I had no qualms before but now I am seeing the real things. Yeah, now I hate you.

Day 11


Baby, forgive me if I had been rude. Its just the medication speaking out, its not me. You know I love you, I need you so much. I need a puff of you, hell yeah a puff of you will do everything. Please I need you.


Day 12


I am tired of this fucking hospital. The doctor & his sweet talk, the nurses & their sad looks. If only I could die or get away. Its so getting melodramatic that I am feeling suffocated. Its like nails being hammered into my brain every time someone opens their mouth. I am helpless.


Day 13


My parents are not letting me breathe properly. They say I am unable to breathe if I remove the oxygen mask. I am dying, Am I ? I don't know, my girlfriend is nowhere to be seen, my friends come to see me sometimes, bastards, all have gotten so fucking busy in their harmonic lives. I am happy though, happy that they are fine. Oh God, why this pain keeps cropping up inside my chest.

Day 14


I feel like a fading light. I don't think I'll survive. If only I can get a kiss of you. A kiss of you on my lips. I'll always cherish those moments when I kiss you, when I smoke you, when I hold your slender body in my rough hands.


Day 15


I am a gone case. I am dying that's for sure. All I can see are ciggies everywhere. I am floating, just floating along them. I try grabbing one, she runs away with her flock away from me. C'mon you got no time for me at all. All the time, you clung to me & now it is time to come to Daddy, my Ciggie acts like a bitch.


Day 16


I Love You Ciggie, I am dead.