Sinking in your Love

Shaurya saw her from a distance, she was standing at the entrance of the mall, she had an athletic build, dusky skin, chicly clothed in a jeans & kurta & a certain glow about her, he slowed down the music although he didn’t want to but he had to because he couldn’t think if he didn’t stop the music, he lit up a cigarette & while he dragged on the ciggie, he recalled about Manisha, he always liked Manisha, even when she was Ashok’s girlfriend, Ashok was his childhood friend & they were the best of friends since childhood, they both were good looking, they had peculiarly similar choices, both liked kesar pista ice creams, both loved cricket & lawn tennis, both were the mischief mongers of their household & inseparable from each other. Their parents were also happy to see their friendship & considered the other as their own children. Shaurya & Ashok both joined in architectural courses in CET, Bhubaneswar & were having the time of their life. Shaurya & Ashok shared everything among each other until the moment Manisha arrived in their lives, it was during their final year in CET around 2008 when Ashok met Manisha at a wedding of his cousin & they both hit it off instantly, Manisha fell in love with Ashok from the first day of their meeting & Ashok realized it a month after they started dating. Shaurya was bugged by the sudden changed behaviour of Ashok but he didn’t mind because he saw he was happy,he never minded  even when Ashok won’t smoke or drink with him or won’t play videogames or won’t go to their usual leisure spots, he tried to find out but Ashok would cleverly change the topic. 

Then on one day Ashok stepped up & talked to him about Manisha, “I am in love man, I will marry her in 3 months after I join the Bastion firm in New Delhi.” Ashok could only reply in astonishment,” you bastard, you couldn’t have told me about it earlier, I was worried about you & what’s this nonsense about marriage, have you talked about it to your parents, what about her & her parents, what will they feel when they learn of it.” but Ashok was a tough nut to crack, he was always rebellious, he liked to have his own way & he never cared about the society. Shaurya tried with him to be reasonable & be patient until they finish their exams, Shaurya remembered the day he met Manisha, it was during the midst of their exams, when Ashok called him up & asked him to come to the Café coffee day at the Marrion, Shaurya went over there, half asleep, unkempt facial hair & uncombed curly hair, the usual Shaurya but he was taken aback by the sight of Manisha, she looked beautiful, oh she was beautiful, she was dressed in a blue Capri jeans, black top & had flowing tresses, she looked at Shaurya with amazement & asked Ashok if this was Shaurya ? Ashok was in splits for the next half n hour when Shaurya the womanizer of the two tried to explain his appearance. While Ashok was laughing his ass off Shaurya was falling for Manisha. Over the next few months while the three of them became inseparable from each other & hung out together, Ashok became more mature & Shaurya who never believed in stuff like love, felt he was falling in love with Manisha, for the first time in his life, he seriously felt jealous of Ashok but he loved Ashok more than Manisha, he would never betray Ashok for his own sake, he felt like he was breathless but his love for his friend triumphed & his love for Manisha succumbed. All was well in the paradise of the friends, Ashok & Manisha went ahead in their relationships & informed both their parents of their relationship and both of their parents expressed their happiness & blessed them. Ashok joined in Bastion firm & Manisha a fashion student, joined as an intern at Wills Lifestyle & both of them moved to Delhi after their engagement. Shaurya was the happiest for them. They came to Bhubaneswar during vacations & Shaurya went to Delhi sometimes, everything was fine. 

Then one day during a client meeting at office, his phone buzzed relentlessly, Shaurya didn’t bother at first but when he looked up to see who was it, he was surprised, it was Manisha, almost choking from crying, she just uttered the words that were going to change both of their lives forever, ”Shaurya, Ashok met with an accident in Daryaganj while going to his house, he is in ICU & is very critical, he asked for you, try to come as soon as possible.” Then she broke down, Shaurya didn’t exactly remember the events after that but he remembered & probably never forgot the minute long conversation he had with a dying Ashok in the hospital, no words were spoken, both friends just looked into each other’s eyes & then Ashok died in Shaurya’s arms. That day it wasn’t Ashok who died but the three of them died together. It took them long enough to get back to the normal lives. Of all Manisha was the sufferer, she left her internship, left Delhi & came back to Bhubaneswar, declined job offers & became a recluse, Shaurya tried to console her, make her smile again, whatever he did, he reminded her of Ashok & she broke down, it took her a long 6 months to get back to the world. 

Shaurya recalled the night when Manisha came to his bachelor house near Sailashree vihar at 10 pm in the night drunk & laughing. When Shaurya offered to drop her, she declined “I want to be happy” she said, “enough of being a sorry sod, I want to live again, I am not mad, I just want to be happy again.” He couldn’t say no to her. That night, they both sat side by side, watched pictures of Ashok & them, cried, laughed & comforted each other. Shaurya almost forgot he ever loved Manisha, for the moment she seemed just like another wandering soul like him, they completed each other; they promised each other to be their old selves. All the while Shaurya felt happy for her over the next few months, bringing her to the normal again, Manisha started her own fashion classes in Bhubaneswar for budding fashion students, it went well, slowly she started designing for various brands & also for certain celebrities of Ollywood. She was successful now, she was happy, she was responsible, all the while Manisha found her being drawn towards Shaurya uncontrollably & inexplicably, he was not like Ashok but he was everything a woman would wish for, Shaurya was manly, handsome, caring & outgoing, he never expressed his feelings unless required, he never let her down. She tried sending messages expressing her feelings but every time Shaurya would act like he didn’t know or he didn’t want to know, there were never any dearth of girls with Shaurya before but nowadays he acted like a lone wolf, he concentrated on his work, he opened a new office by himself & started working hard, the only thing besides his work was Manisha. Shaurya could notice the closeness between them but he ignored his own feelings of the past until one day Manisha confronted him & proposed him. 

He tried to call it her obsession, what ensued was a 1 week long fighting & 2 week long pampering to tell her that he still considers him Ashok’s girlfriend & it will take some time to accept her as someone else. Finally Manisha agreed but her actions were still the same. Meanwhile Shaurya dealt with his own demons, he loved her but the feeling was locked away in a deep cavern in his heart, he wanted to let it out but he couldn’t, he tried, he did but the feeling was lost, lost somewhere in his own heart. He spent a lot of time with her, everyone around them, friends, family wanted them to be together, even Ashok’s parents wanted them to be together. Then one day, Manisha did something he didn’t expect, while watching a movie together at her house, she leaned on his shoulder, after a while he felt that she wasn’t looking at the screen or the movie, she was looking at him, he looked at her puzzled, she looked at him like a child, innocence in her eyes, mischief brewing slowly, she came closer to him, touched his face & caressed it, Shaurya was transfixed in his place, completely unprepared for all the things going on. Then Manisha came closer & kissed him gently, Shaurya was stunned, he didn’t know what happened next, he kissed her back gently, he caressed her hair, pulled her closer to him & as she started to open his shirt, the reality dawned upon him, he suddenly stood up, angry & ashamed at the same time of himself & his actions. He was burning up with guilt from inside; he got up & apologized & left her place. Before he slammed the door, all he saw was tears welling up in her eyes. For 2 days they didn’t talk, all the while Shaurya thought about everything that happened since day one of meeting with Manisha. 

He remembered their kissing, that moment of innocence when both of them couldn’t restraint themselves from each other, he gave that a deep thought & then he went up to the picture of Ashok & stood before it, then he spoke, “I hope wherever you are, you must be happy my brother, I don’t know what I am doing but I think if I don’t do this, I will never again be able to look into my own eyes in the mirror, I have always loved her not that I am taking advantage of the situation now that you are not around, I have loved her, I love her & I will love her forever, hope you understand.” Then he picked up his phone, glanced up at the clock, it was 2 am, muttered to himself” Game face, Game face”, then called Manisha. She answered but was silent, Shaurya mustered up his courage & then spoke “hello”, silence, “hello”, silence again, he felt like banging his head on the wall but then he said, “I know you are listening, please say something, I know the way I reacted was not right but I understand it was my mistake”, he was trying to explain when Manisha spoke up in an icy tone, “no, it was my mistake to feel that I fell in love with you, what I did was just a horny act of a slut,I guess that’s what you think of me now, don’t you Shaurya ?”. he felt like someone poured acid all over him, her words pressed like thorns into his heart, “how could you think of me as a lowly person, how could you think of yourself like this, no god no ”while he was trying to soothe her, she cut him short, “you don’t love me, you don’t try to love me, you don’t want to love me”, he decided it was enough now, “you can fight with me over the phone or you can fight with me tomorrow all day”, it was enough to calm her down, “tomorrow, all day ?”She gushed, “Yes tomorrow, just you & me, it’s a date”, he blurted out, silence on her end. Then she said, “10 am sharp, Maruti mall, be on time.” He managed a “Sure” before keeping the phone down.

The ignored cigarette singed his skin near the thumb, he jolted back from his memory lane, threw the lit cigarette after taking the last puff, rolled down the glass of his side window & let the air enter his car, the dust pushed in with the air but he didn’t care, it was his car not anyone else’s, he waited till the smell of cigarettes died & the car smelt somewhat less than before, he pushed on the ambi pur to let the smell off, all the while intently looking at her, preparing to face her after last night’s phone call. She looked like an angel in distress, looking for someone desperately; he rolled up the glass & switched on the AC. He looked at the mirror before seeing her, adjusted his ever so curly hair trying to look cool, took a deep breath & switched the music on & changed the music from the lonely island’s I just had sex to Christina Perry’s thousand years, her favourite. Then stepped on the accelerator & drove to the mall, stopped his car, rolled down the glass of his side window & looked at Manisha, she looked like she was waiting for someone, Shaurya knew better, she recognized his car & looked at him with anger, Shaurya braced himself for the debate that was going to ensue soon, honked & she started to walk towards him. Shaurya looked at her as she walked towards him, she was perfect in everything she did, even her gait looked like a supermodel’s ramp walk although gentle & not raunchy, as he was transfixed in his thoughts, a knock brought him back to reality, Manisha was knocking impatiently on the glass, even though his 10 minute preparation to see Manisha, Shaurya had forgot to unlock the side door of his car. He unlocked the door & she came in, she looked at Shaurya with mock anger twinkling in her eyes,” you are always late, its 10.20”, she complained. He tried to look innocent & cited his work at the office about some building design; “I was busy with the galaxy apartment design.” She sighed, “why do you always have to lie about your lateness, galaxy blah blah apartment, you can tell the truth, its 10 am you never go to your office before 10.30,” he felt astonished at her knowledge of him, “in this case, you can say that I didn’t think it was important to meet you or spend time with you, that’s why I was late”, she looked like she was hurt, it killed Shaurya to see Manisha hurt, she continued, “Who am I to you, I am just a liability to you, I am just your dead friend’s girlfriend whom you never liked & had to put up with.” Shaurya felt immensely bad about being reminded about Ashok like this, he corrected her, “you were Ashok’s girlfriend, not some dead friend’s, you are my best friend’s girlfriend & unfortunately he’s not with us anymore, don’t insult your & my relationship with him, we both know the value of our relationships with him & with each other.”, she again started to say something but Shaurya stopped her by putting his palm on her lips. 

It was a time for revelations, no more fights, no more misunderstandings, he gestured her towards the music player, turned up the volume a little bit, a thousand years played like a magic, she looked confused, her eyes twinkled with anticipation, he took off his hand off her lips, then he drew closer & uttered “I Love You, I have loved you since the day I met you, back then you were Ashok’s girl & I chose to forget you as my love but over the time & since he passed away, I have never stopped thinking about you, I Love you Manisha Ray, I loved it when you kissed me, I didn’t have the courage to do that, you for all I know you complete me & I will be miserable without you, I can’t say anything more but all I know that I love you madly, I Love You, I Love You.” She was crying lightly when he finished his sentence, she complained “why did you stop, you idiot”, “you sound so romantic when you say things like this”, then she drew closer & said, “I Love you too Shaurya Gautam, I Love You with all my heart.” Before she could say anything else & cry anymore, Shaurya grabbed her & kissed her, he kept kissing her until some people surrounded the car & started whistling at them. They came back to their senses, embarrassed, happy and nostalgic. As the hooting died down, Shaurya asked “where to baby?” & she smiled & replied “wherever we can be together.”

Then they drove off, to happiness, bliss & togetherness.

A Smoker's Journal of Final Moments

Day 1

I fucking love you Ciggie,I dont & won't give you up. No matter whatever happens. I have been in love with you since grade 7 when that Fucker Lala introduced you to me. I remember kissing you for the first time. I coughed like hell but you wanted me & I wanted you too. 10 years baby, 10 years together & now they say I gotta leave you or else I am gonna die.


Day 2


I have been diagnosed with Tuberculosis twice in the last 3 years because of you,they say repeatedly,as if I don't know that. I may catch lung cancer, if I continue to smoke but I can't stop. I just can't. Why do you keep asking who are they ? When you know who doesn't want to see us. Its my girlfriend, my family, some friends not all of them because most of them are also in love with you like me.


Day 3


Oh baby I love you. You know today I smoked like 2 packs of Classic regular, you come in all shapes & sizes but when you come in guise of Classic or Marlboro. I just can't stop puffing you around. They say you don't drink a cigarette or alcohol or fuck an escort alone. You need to share them. I do share you, I am not jealous.

Day 4


You know why I love you, because you come to me when I am in need of you. When I am gloomy, you come to me. When I am happy, you come to me. When I am alone you come to me, when I am with friends you come to me. You make me cool, you make me look like a rockstar, when I am with you. Without you I don't feel good baby.

Day 5


Oh this rotten feeling of not finding you in every other hour will drive mad. I need you so bad, I need you, without a puff of your magical body burning itself for my pleasure & going up in ashes just for me is just so romantic. Oh I got you. I got you, I got you.


Day 6


Shit, Shit, Shit. I hate my doctor, why does he need to be so pushy & influential. The way the bastard describes you, he says you are a cancer stick, you are an angel of death, wait that's me, he says you are going to be the death of me. He knew somewhat of my problems. This bloody diagnosis takes all our moments out in a bad light. Sigh, I Love you Ciggie.


Day 7




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Day 8


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Day 9


I don't remember the last two days, I was on an hospital bed without you. I am diagnosed with Lung Cancer & am lying on a bed in an hospital. You caused all this.




Day 10


I am beginning to wonder about you, hallucinating if I put it right. I am seeing things, I am seeing you in a bad light. You are not just in love with me. You have countless lovers. You say You don't mind mind being theirs but I mind. Yeah, I know, I know, you will say that I had no qualms before but now I am seeing the real things. Yeah, now I hate you.

Day 11


Baby, forgive me if I had been rude. Its just the medication speaking out, its not me. You know I love you, I need you so much. I need a puff of you, hell yeah a puff of you will do everything. Please I need you.


Day 12


I am tired of this fucking hospital. The doctor & his sweet talk, the nurses & their sad looks. If only I could die or get away. Its so getting melodramatic that I am feeling suffocated. Its like nails being hammered into my brain every time someone opens their mouth. I am helpless.


Day 13


My parents are not letting me breathe properly. They say I am unable to breathe if I remove the oxygen mask. I am dying, Am I ? I don't know, my girlfriend is nowhere to be seen, my friends come to see me sometimes, bastards, all have gotten so fucking busy in their harmonic lives. I am happy though, happy that they are fine. Oh God, why this pain keeps cropping up inside my chest.

Day 14


I feel like a fading light. I don't think I'll survive. If only I can get a kiss of you. A kiss of you on my lips. I'll always cherish those moments when I kiss you, when I smoke you, when I hold your slender body in my rough hands.


Day 15


I am a gone case. I am dying that's for sure. All I can see are ciggies everywhere. I am floating, just floating along them. I try grabbing one, she runs away with her flock away from me. C'mon you got no time for me at all. All the time, you clung to me & now it is time to come to Daddy, my Ciggie acts like a bitch.


Day 16


I Love You Ciggie, I am dead.

Kill I Must

 I am an Apex Predator well I am God actually, I kill people & I am very good at it. Why do I kill people?

Am I insane? Am I a freak? Am I a psychotic? Am I an animal?

I enjoy killing, why? I keep killing to know the answer,simple. I have killed 5 women & 2 men till now, why the women number's higher? Well, I am not a misogynistic, may be but I kill only when I feel the urge. I relieve the pain of my art works, what you poor sods call victims. Its something I enjoy doing, when the cold blade cuts through the warm flesh, Yes I prefer the blade to the bullet. I enjoy serenading my victims in a dance in the pale moon light with me instead of the devil. I feel murder is overrated, actually the term killing suits the thing better. I am just like you, just another happy go lucky guy, I work like any other guy, have a beautiful girlfriend & good friends, really good friends & I enjoy life. But when that urge comes, it takes over & then on I am someone different, I am the God, above all. I play the all mighty when it comes to the killing, Oh & I am pretty good at it. I go to places, meet people & when I find people that cause distaste or are not of any right to love, I kill them. I find it pretty easy to draw people towards me, may be its just my rugged good looks, I am not insanely handsome but its the brooding & the attitude that works.

I remember my first kill, it was in the beautiful summer of 2004. I remember going out with this girl of my class, during my college days in Delhi, she was cute, beautiful & lovable but she never restricted her hormonal urges within me, the bitch cheated on me regularly. I remember watching her with a friend of mine several times on his bike, going around, having fun & getting fucked by him in his room. I knew all this but I felt that we just had a casual relationship, nothing more but once I had the misery of following them to see what they were up to? They went to a movie together & I bought a ticket too, to see what they were up to? I remember watching them kissing in the theatre countless times & the way he was groping her & she was reacting, my entire body was simmering with anger, I wanted to kill them right there but I abstained, I came back & acted as usual. I remember watching them go to his apartment after the movie, Poor me poor bastard that I was, I remember following like a dumb lamb, they spent a good 3 hours inside his room. I sat like a pile of woods below his apartment & dragged on ciggies. I remember coming back after they left & came back to my college campus of Delhi University, she came running to me when she saw me in campus later that evening. She ran towards me, kissed me. She was stinking of that Bastard, all of her body, even her cells were stinking of him. I tried to abstain myself but I couldn't in those moments, I really discovered my inner self. I thought of something, I asked her to come to Ooty on a trip with me. 

She happily obliged, that fucking bitch & her guts. I knew she was a fickle minded, wayward girl from a middle class family but the way bitch behaved, it was like she descended from heaven & did a favour on everyone, she said she can make up something in hostel & in her family, she finally came up with the idea of a workshop for partial fulfillment of studies in Ludhiana & took time out for 4 days.It was a hush hush trip, with only a few friends knowing about it. We came to Ooty, all the way I kept talking to myself about what I am going to do with her & I decided, i was going to relieve her of her sorry ass life. I remember the sex we had, it was good, steamy, wild & unstoppable. We didn't get out of the room for 2 days, the housekeeping got bored with us & I felt famished of all the sex & the blowjobs & I almost seemed to forget about her fate & then on the third day we went for some sightseeing & again her eyes started roving around for other guys, a jolt came to me & I came back to reality from that dream land. After we came back, I left her in the room, told her I was going out to buy condoms & took a stroll & debated with myself over how & not why should I kill her? I went to the drug store got a whole box of condoms, the man at the store smirked in a way that made me laugh & then I presumably stared at his wife who was sitting at the billing machine & gave her the box to bill, his smirk changed to a frown & hers to a muffled grin, I don't know what happened after i left & went to another drug store & bought a pair of surgical gloves. All over I went to several stores & bought things like surgical blade, gauge cloth, medical spirit. At some stores they gave weird looks but I told I need it urgently because my friend is injured while trekking & I need it urgently. The lie always works you know,people believe your lies more than the truth. I got all I wanted.

I returned to our room, the bitch was all horny for the fuck & was strolling around in her nightgown. I caught hold of her & told her she was in for a surprise & blindfolded her. Then I took her & bound her hands & legs to the railing of the bed with the gauge cloth & started fucking her. She started moaning & I remembered the faint moans of her in the theatre. I put some more gauge cloth in her mouth she tried protesting but in the heat of the moment, she stopped it & while I was penetrating her, I started cutting her, slashing & hacking all over & pouring spirit over the wounds while at it. She screamed wildly but it was muffled by the gauge cloth, I kept slashing her body till there was no skin left to slash anymore. Her body bounced up & down & she writhed with the intricate dwelling of pain that I was bestowing upon her over her temple of a body, but she was bound & couldn’t get free of it. Then I opened the box of condoms & took out all of them & made a sort of stuffing by putting all of them together & then I shoved it down her mouth & nose, she gasped & coughed for breath but she couldn’t, then I removed the blindfold off her eyes, eyes bloodshot, pleading me, hating me, the fear welling up, tears flowing down, she looked at me. I took a good look at her & then started cutting her throat as she choked & gurgled blood. The bed sheet was streaming with blood when I finally killed the bitch. I remember crying a lot with her head in my lap & wondering what next.

I poured some more spirit on her body to kill the stink of blood, went to the bathroom & bathed for a while. The ice cold water helped,I thought of many things, the thrill of killing her, the peace it gave me, the urge to kill & the ecstasy of the blood splashing across our bodies as she was dying & I smiled wryly. I was an artist, I was a guardian angel, I relieved her of all her whimsical worries, I was God. When I came back,I finally had the courage to cut her up in pieces & pack her in her trolley bag. I took the bloodied bed sheets & pillows & shredded them up with the surgical blade & my hands, that’s the beauty of the surgical blade it cuts like a charm even through the fabric. I took her belongings & put them in her bag along with her body parts.I dipped all the blood stained clothes in 2 bottles of surgical spirit & put it in her bag with her body parts. I went down after a while with the bag only to dump it off a cliff a few hours later, I went down,it was strange the lobby was deserted, no one was in sight, it just made things easier & roaming around a tourist paradise with bags is not a new sight. The way I packed her body parts by washing them with spirit made the bleeding stop & the bag remained spotless. I had a hard time dumping the bag but soon I found a deserted cliff & carried the bag to the edge & dropping it off. After coming back I ordered for room service & when the familiar bell boy came up I told him that she had a huge fight with me & left with all her stuff. I told him to bring up some whiskey for me with a bucket full of ice, it kind of worked, as he thought I might be sullen over her departure. I kept up the appearance for half a day more & then went down to the reception to check out of there. The bitch at the reception didn't believe my story, when I told her how my girlfriend stormed out after a fight & she didn't even care to take her Identity card. But given my inebriated baffle she thought i was just another wayward college kid who couldn't control his girlfriend, she obliged & gave me the identity cards but the way she looked at me, i knew I didn't make the charade too well.

I knew I had a very little window of opportunity before the whistle is blown. Eventually somebody would find the bag & the body within, I mean the beautiful custom made body parts that I made of her. The hotel staff would eventually find something despite all my beautiful work & the nosey receptionist bitch would eventually suspect & may file a complaint & Deepti's parents would frantically search for her, Oh yes the bitch's name was Deepti,nice name. Some friends in DU knew we came together. I knew I couldn't go back & I wouldn't go back. I took all my belongings & documents & threw them in a stream. Took just my toothbrush & my money & I took off from that beautiful place in a bus & set off to Chennai.

All the way in the bus & train, I looked at people, all their misery, their evilness, their wickedness,their frail human nature & I was above all. I was there to relieve the poor ones of their mortality, their weak stand in this earth. I smiled to myself. Its easy you know, to blend in again. I sat in the marina beach for 3 days in a row in the burning summer to change my looks, no one really care you know, no one cares who you are or what do you want, even the police patrol didn't care,I got sunburn & I noticed a strange face in place of mine, I started working in the chennai dockyard as a laborer, I got sun burn, my physique became lithe & athletic, I lost my good looks & became rugged, about a week later, I read about Deepti's gruesome murder in a paper, it got my photo & all about me, there was a prize of Rs 2 lakhs on my head too but I looked much different, I knew I got away. That was an art, a subtle art of getting away with it. I didn't miss my family. If I missed someone it was my mother, I didn't even care about the other bastards. I easily got a new identity card by paying Rs 300. Slowly worked my way up the power circle in the Dockyard & became a Owner of 2 trawlers in 2 years. During those 2 years I killed 2 women & a eunuch, count him as man if you wish,they committed some unforgivable crimes.What happened after those & what happened to me & what happened by me in the next 6 years,I don't feel so ecstatic talking about that now.Lets just keep the rest a secret,shall we ?

P.s. Just so you know, I live in Bangalore now & am working in a call centre.

Who knows you may be my next best thing at art.

Until then.

 Love

Jayant (Psycho)

Erotica

We look into each other's eyes,no words spoken,no drama,no hassles,its a strange language that  we have discovered. They say that marriage kills the romance but for Us its just another myth,even after 7 years of marriage, I can't have enough of her.As she looks into my eyes,Words lose their entity, reality blurs away & dreams shroud us like a painted veil. Its just something that I can't just merely put in words, I lose myself in those eyes,the rest of her svelte body is just as fine as a dawn of a wintry night but it takes all eternity to break away from those beautiful eyes. They are as silent as a Mediterranean coast & as tranquil as a tropical rain forest,her lips,those blood red lips of hers, so lush so inviting & so irresistibly attractive,I stare like a child stares at a candy shop,so full of possibilities & waiting for me to go admire them as I caress them. I kiss her forehead almost magnetically,she simmers as she feels my rough lips,her eyes sparkle of mock anger & then she breaks into a naughty smile & I stare again out of sheer amaze that she looks like an angel from those murals they paint on the church's roofs. She takes my hand & keeps it on her heart,it races as I feel it & she smiles again,I couldn't resist the tease anymore, I softly grab her silky hair & caress her locks & kiss her on her Lips. I don't know the next feeling, I am not here,I have died & gone to heaven, she tenses as I slowly part her lips with mine, I play a little with my tongue & she responds wildly, She grabs hold of my hair & sinks into my arms. As I manfully kiss her a little harder,I feel her perfectly polished nails dig into the nape of my neck, it tickles but I enjoy the pain for she's my warrior woman, she can ambush me, she can rule me & I let her do that.

She's just mine. I claim her every time I can but she is unfazed, for her she's not to be claimed for she is eternally mine & I don't need to establish that. I slowly unbutton her shirt, technically its my shirt which she's wearing,she does that often,sometimes I find her wearing the most atrocious lingerie but when she wears my clothes, she looks even more sexier than she does in those lingerie. She shudders as she feels my hands on her warm,lively breasts, her heart rate pulses up & she goes buck wild at me. She bites at my lips as she feels my hands groping at her perfect breasts,she tries to stop me from doing that but she refrains,she says that much love will kill her but I don't listen. She moans in pleasure as i work my way down from her lips to her amazing breasts. Whenever I am with her, it feels like we have gone back in time to that same old little room of my college days, where we would go wild at each other countless times in those sultry afternoons bunking classes at Delhi University. I still feel like a testosterone fueled teen as I go down on her with her moaning softly like the soft purring of a kitty.

She tries tearing down my T shirt but she fails, looks at me like it is the end of the world if that tee doesn't come off my Chest. I yank out the tee with one pull & she jumps on me like a crazed love monkey, that's one of her names I call her usually,the other names are Froglie, Bunny, Munchkin, li'l devil & countless others I forgot keeping track. She undresses & prowls like a predator & then she sinks deep into my Chest, kisses my neck & breathes heavily at it, I feel the singeing of my entire body by her, I throw off the rest of my clothes & then together We sink down to the alleys of love,unknown,bequeathed & bewildered,we play with each other & entangle our bodies in unison,while climaxing in pools of sweat,she says I Love you & I just look at her, I can never have enough of her I think & then she starts kissing me again.

Words lose their entity, reality blurs away & dreams shroud us like a painted veil once again.

A Meteoric Love story

So it began in the vast space where there are endless bodies in motion. The Space, an odyssey of celestial bodies from gas clouds to black holes. But in this strange yet morbid atmosphere, there existed a Love story. Surprised ? Yes, even the celestial beings have emotions,see the emotions aren't just the domain of human beings.This is a love story of two meteoroids, both of whom who were very much in love with each other. They were Aion & Tiara, they were different & as the proverbial saying had its way, they fell for each other. They were an unlikely pair, both of them lived in the Solar System of the Andromeda Galaxy & this is their story.

The young lovers lived in their colonies of fellow meteoroids; the meteoroids were the children of planets or asteroids which orbited around the Sun along the other celestial bodies of the planets & asteroids. The meteoroids were the youngest living members of the galaxy & they died very soon unlike the other space beings & many of them chose their paths by themselves, it was like a tradition, some meteoroids were unfortunate & never died & lived for eternity in the galaxy, some were sucked up by black holes, some meteoroids united & formed an asteroid & the most lucky ones went to the Elysium of the meteorites, The Blue Planet & became Meteors. It was another time when meteoroids started choosing their destiny, as most friends of Aion & Tiara started disappearing, Aion felt concerned about his own destiny. Aion went & asked his mother, the Asteroid Nefertiti about his destiny, she smiled & said we live in a galaxy where we obey by the Sun who’s the reason we live, orbit & die, this is a world of opportunities & uncertainties. Sometimes we don’t know the things that we do & before we even realize things are done in our name. Once upon a time a long time ago in our galaxy, my great grandfather his name unknown, was one of the largest of their race plummeted down to the Blue planet & as he died there, he destroyed a race so giant & regal down there is still the talk in the galaxy today. We don’t know whether he wanted it or fate had it in him. Aion’s Father was taken away by the Black Hole near Saturn & never came back, his mother always wanted to die in Saturn where she may see her partner in her afterlife & if fate has it Aion will die on the beautiful Blue Planet.

Upon hearing the sad truth about the destiny he may have & it was sad indeed, the meteoroids, asteroids never knew about their destiny albeit some tried to alter it but it always ended in Perish or of them floating aimlessly in the galaxy forever, there wasn’t another option for the celestial beings.

Deep in thought he went to see about Tiara, while orbiting Sun near The Red planet, who was playing with her friends & talking about the giant rings of Saturn & the beautiful creatures of the blue planet that kept coming to space either by themselves or deemed their presence by their flashy vessels. Aion was curious to see the joy of Tiara in a time their Colony was gloom about the loss of their young meteoroids. As he approached her, her friends giggled & left the Lovers alone to orbit around with each other. When Tiara saw Aion, she beamed more brightly & dashed towards him. Aion greeted her & then asked her about her destiny, the same question he asked of his mother about himself. Tiara was surprised for she never heard such a question like that from Aion, because Aion was so playful & carefree in his life, but then the answer which she always feared could ruin their relationship seemed inevitable. She smiled & said she wanted to go to the blue planet if she’s going to die someday. Aion was livid at the blunt reply & cursed her incessantly of the mad dream she was having. He said, instead of dying on that wretched planet, together they could unite & orbit round the Sun forever & be with each other always. Tiara smiled & said to him that nothing lasts forever, even the Sun, the all mighty is going to be a dwarf star someday & about the hate he has for the Blue planet, he doesn’t know the beauty of it. They debated a lot but in the end, Aion angrily stormed out of her orbit & came back to his own as they were about to close in near another Asteroid belt. Aion thought deeply of the foolishness Tiara was having & then sank to slumber. While he slept in his orbit, he saw a dream.

He & tiara were falling down across a vast space, a space where he saw the most beautiful rays of the Sun as he looked up & a beautiful blaze has started to ignite upon both of their bodies as something was brushing across their rocky bodies, it tingled & then Tiara said it was the Air, which surrounds the Blue Planet. As the blaze brightened around them, Tiara drew closer & whispered in his rocky ear that it was the fire & as they plummeted below, he saw the most beautiful thing he has ever seen aside Tiara, he saw a vast body of bluish & greenish contour, he had always looked at the Blue Planet in his orbit but never he saw the beauty but now as he gazed upon the Planet something that seemed less myriad than the galaxy but the beauty of it was beyond imagination & as both the lovers set collision course with their destiny, Tiara whispered I love you in his ears & he whispered it back & then they collided with the Blue Planet.

Aion woke up with a strange feeling. Upon waking up, he thought of the dream for a great while & then shuttled off to Tiara & narrated his dream to her. She heard him with awe & then fell silent as if she thought of the grief & sorrow of Aion dying, Aion upon seeing her frown asked her of the reason & she answered palely that it was her destiny & Aion should follow his, he should not end his life with her rather he should live his life as he wanted to live, by floating across the solar system forever. But Aion loved her too much & he knew Tiara, she would never change her mind, however he pleaded to her & he would never live without her. In those sordid moments he made up his mind & then did something Tiara didn’t expect of, he got her & went off course from their orbit around the Sun, she was astonished but she knew what he was doing & then together both of them tried to pilot themselves towards the Blue Planet by aligning themselves like its satellite, they were not far from it & slowly the gravity held them up & they started orbiting around the Blue Planet. As they went closer, they saw million others of meteorites like themselves going towards the planet in balls of flame, blazing towards their destiny in glory. Some alone, some with their partners but all of them went towards the Blue Planet. Aion & Tiara soon felt that funny tingling of something swooshing up their rocky bodies as they whooshed down & as they lit up, Aion looked at Tiara & she whispered I love you to him, he looked at her lovingly, replied the same & plunged down towards their destiny.

Then as they crashed on Earth, both the meteoroids became METEORS.

Lakshmi & Dreams

The Sun rose as usual,the city of Bhubaneswar rumbled to life,people went about their daily lives,birds chirped as usual & every other shrine of different religions played their devotional music,it was just another day in the busy lives of countless people who lived in the city.Hawkers went throwing newspapers,people took to pavements & parks for the morning jogging,some flaunting their toned bodies & some hiding the weight as much as possible,vegetable vendors ran about,municipality people cleaned the streets,everybody started their daily itinerary cursing & muttering about misery & helplessness,the rich ranted about richer & the poor about rich all but Lakshmi. Lakshmi, 12 year old little Lakshmi sat silently in their hut looking at her little brother Chintu & her Father,sleeping peacefully. Lakshmi smiled as she saw them & tried to remember her mother's face,she tried hard but she failed to remember her,tears welled up in her eyes & she sighed,'Lakshmi never saw her mother,all she heard from people was that she was a prostitute in the nearby red light area,who threw her away after she was born,calling her a curse,Lakshmi never understood the meaning of the word prostitute but she knew that it was not a good profession,people would cringe at the name of a prostitute & several of her neighborhood's women chose to be prostitutes to support their families.whoever turned a prostitute was met with wrath of the slum people who lived in there.Chintu was also an abandoned child,nobody knew about his mother though,both of them were adopted by a drunk,handicapped beggar,who raised them by begging at the nearby railway station.'Lakshmi sat transfixed in the hut,looking around she tried to think of days left in this month,how they would survive this month & how she would admit Chintu at the nearby school  because at the end of the month as promised by Shilpa Nani,the local woman leader,she would get to work in a very good business,her father will be provided with a wheelchair & they will be shifted to a good house & their life will be happy forever.'She heaved a sigh of relief as she thought of the beautiful future that can be possible if she would agree to work under Shilpa Nani & then she smiled again.

By the time lakshmi cleaned the hut & the veranda,Chintu & her father were awake,she ran to the nearby tea stall & brought a cup of tea & some cigarettes for her father as well as some bun for Chintu.While they were eating,Lakshmi went to bathe,while coming from the pond she went to the nearby Shiv temple & prayed to God,she asked for all but herself,she was strangely happy for some reason,she didn't have a proper family,any education or good upbringing or a good place to live,yet in those small pieces of life,she felt complete because she had two persons who loved her,her father & her brother,she prayed to God to make her remember her mother's face next time she remembers her & she asked God's blessing for the new life she was going to start. While running back to her hut,she saw her father going out on his crutches to station,he kissed her on her forehead as she touched his knee & blessed her & then slowly dragged himself to his destination.

Coming back to their hut,Lakshmi took Chintu & bathed him in their backyard,Chintu was just 5 years old & just as beautiful as Lakshmi. Then she fed him with the leftover food of last night & ate a little so that he could have more food & then both of them set out to work.They wore their ragged clothes & holding their Polythene bags set out for collecting glass & plastic bottles from garbage dumps. Apart from their father's begging this was another of their livelihood sustenance. Wherever they went they found hordes of poor children all doing odd jobs at such tender ages,Lakshmi & Chintu collected about 65 rupees by selling the bottles they collected & returned to their home,on the way she bought chocolates for Chintu & a pack of cigarettes for her father & then went to their hut.It was already evening while they were going to their hut,many people surrounded their hut in their neighbourhood,there were hues & cries of some people,their neighbours Neela Mausi & Chinky Nani were wailing loudly.she found it strange & she felt an eerie chill inside her,what if its something wrong & slowly she walked towards her hut. Anyone who saw her looked at her with pity only Shilpa Nani who was there saw her with a look that puzzled her,as she saw at her hut she saw something placed on the ground,it was something or someone,covered with a dirty cloth & it was bloodied at several places.

Lakshmi felt a strange fear,for she didn't know why it lay in front of her home & then she saw something,something that would remind of the unknown fate that was looming large over her. She saw the battered crutches of her father lying nearby,battered,bloodstained & ignored like her father. Then she understood why the people gathered around her house,why the people were looking at her with pity & whose bloodstained & dismembered lifeless body it was,she sank down on the ground,Chintu was still clueless about everything that went on about & was staring at everyone. Her father was begging as usual near the stairs of the overhead footbridge of platform 1 when suddenly a mob broke out rushing for their train ,her father tried to stay away from being crushed but went near the edge of the platform,he slipped & fell over to the tracks,the train crushed his body under it & his dead body lay there until the train left & he lay there on the platform for about 2 hours before his body was identified & brought to the slum. Lakshmi heard everything like a corpse,still & motionless,she couldn't believe the only good person who cared for her brother & her was dead.while she was sitting there it became a kind of commotion as Shilpa Nani addressed people by saying some good things about Lakshmi's father & how she was going to take care of the two children & how she was going to take care of the neighbourhood if they vote for her as the new ward member in the coming election,Lakshmi was motionless & sat like a statue while Chintu ran away to play with the other children of the neighbourhood,innocent & unaware of the situation. Then a group of people drank some liquor & took away her father's body to the Shahidnagar crematorium & burnt it,some women started crying at the scene & went to their homes after being paid some money.


Lakshmi & Chintu were consoled by Shilpa Nani for some while & then she brought them food & left them & she promised Lakshmi not to worry & that she still remembered her promise to her.That night Lakshmi had a strange thought,what if she & Chintu would have been born in a good place or a good family,their father would not be a handicapped beggar & would have been a teacher or a shopkeeper,she & Chintu would go to school like other kids & play with their friends,like she saw the kids playing outside a school while collecting bottles. People would not treat them like worms & they would get whatever they wanted to have,she wept silently remembering their father & looked at his torn crutches lying on the floor,she cleaned the bloodstains herself before bringing it inside their hut,all she had memory of her father was a photograph some fair skinned person called a foreigner took of them on a trip to their slum,it had her,Chintu & their father together,smiling. She remembered everything & then prayed to God to give her strength & closed her eyes.

The next day was just as every other day,nobody missed their father,everybody went about their businesses,labourers, ice cream vendors,hawkers,security guards all went for their respective jobs.It continued the same for the next few weeks,even Lakshmi forgot her father & worked harder & collected more bottles with Chintu to survive,she learnt to cook which her father did until his demise,she learnt to fight for water when the tanker came to their slum & she learnt to abuse in order to dominate other people,she got to know about prostitutes & their profession & hated her mother,never again she tried to remember her face again,she didn't pray to God anymore. There was Shilpa Nani who came to the neighbourhood now & then making promises but she forgot her promises to Lakshmi,even Lakshmi forgot her dreams,what she had seen for her family, some days later she went to collect bottles near Malisahi,the red light area of Bhubaneswar & observed the people over there,their lives,the money they earned & how they were a little but better than her own slum. She couldn't sleep that night,all night she thought of everything that may or would happen to her & her brother & decided for a better life for her brother even if it cost her,her life.

The next day it was the old Lakshmi again,she went to bath at the pond & went to the temple after 2 months,prayed to Lord Shiva for her brother & sat there for sometime & then she came back to her hut.She scavenged everything she could find of Chintu & then made him wear the best clothes he had & set out with him towards a place. Chintu was happy to go out of the slum without any dirty clothes & bags in his hand & whistled enthusiastically. She took him to an orphanage & told him to stay there while she comes back to him,then she went over to the Warden of the orphanage & talked with her about Chintu & how he should be raised till she comes & claims him back,she promised to send money every month for his education & upbringing & asked to make Chintu forget about her sister in anyway possible,when the concerned warden questioned her,'how she could arrange for money as she herself was just another child ?',Lakshmi smiled & fighting back her tears,said'I'll make my dreams come true,whatever the price may be.'


It was a long walk to home,she took all her belongings with her,took the only photograph of her family,held her head high & walked till she reached Malisahi,the red light area of the city,she knew what she was going to do & she wasn't afraid or disgusted. She took a deep breath while salvaging her dreams & thought of the beautiful future she could provide for Chintu,smiled bravely & walked in.