Sinking in your Love

Shaurya saw her from a distance, she was standing at the entrance of the mall, she had an athletic build, dusky skin, chicly clothed in a jeans & kurta & a certain glow about her, he slowed down the music although he didn’t want to but he had to because he couldn’t think if he didn’t stop the music, he lit up a cigarette & while he dragged on the ciggie, he recalled about Manisha, he always liked Manisha, even when she was Ashok’s girlfriend, Ashok was his childhood friend & they were the best of friends since childhood, they both were good looking, they had peculiarly similar choices, both liked kesar pista ice creams, both loved cricket & lawn tennis, both were the mischief mongers of their household & inseparable from each other. Their parents were also happy to see their friendship & considered the other as their own children. Shaurya & Ashok both joined in architectural courses in CET, Bhubaneswar & were having the time of their life. Shaurya & Ashok shared everything among each other until the moment Manisha arrived in their lives, it was during their final year in CET around 2008 when Ashok met Manisha at a wedding of his cousin & they both hit it off instantly, Manisha fell in love with Ashok from the first day of their meeting & Ashok realized it a month after they started dating. Shaurya was bugged by the sudden changed behaviour of Ashok but he didn’t mind because he saw he was happy,he never minded  even when Ashok won’t smoke or drink with him or won’t play videogames or won’t go to their usual leisure spots, he tried to find out but Ashok would cleverly change the topic. 

Then on one day Ashok stepped up & talked to him about Manisha, “I am in love man, I will marry her in 3 months after I join the Bastion firm in New Delhi.” Ashok could only reply in astonishment,” you bastard, you couldn’t have told me about it earlier, I was worried about you & what’s this nonsense about marriage, have you talked about it to your parents, what about her & her parents, what will they feel when they learn of it.” but Ashok was a tough nut to crack, he was always rebellious, he liked to have his own way & he never cared about the society. Shaurya tried with him to be reasonable & be patient until they finish their exams, Shaurya remembered the day he met Manisha, it was during the midst of their exams, when Ashok called him up & asked him to come to the Café coffee day at the Marrion, Shaurya went over there, half asleep, unkempt facial hair & uncombed curly hair, the usual Shaurya but he was taken aback by the sight of Manisha, she looked beautiful, oh she was beautiful, she was dressed in a blue Capri jeans, black top & had flowing tresses, she looked at Shaurya with amazement & asked Ashok if this was Shaurya ? Ashok was in splits for the next half n hour when Shaurya the womanizer of the two tried to explain his appearance. While Ashok was laughing his ass off Shaurya was falling for Manisha. Over the next few months while the three of them became inseparable from each other & hung out together, Ashok became more mature & Shaurya who never believed in stuff like love, felt he was falling in love with Manisha, for the first time in his life, he seriously felt jealous of Ashok but he loved Ashok more than Manisha, he would never betray Ashok for his own sake, he felt like he was breathless but his love for his friend triumphed & his love for Manisha succumbed. All was well in the paradise of the friends, Ashok & Manisha went ahead in their relationships & informed both their parents of their relationship and both of their parents expressed their happiness & blessed them. Ashok joined in Bastion firm & Manisha a fashion student, joined as an intern at Wills Lifestyle & both of them moved to Delhi after their engagement. Shaurya was the happiest for them. They came to Bhubaneswar during vacations & Shaurya went to Delhi sometimes, everything was fine. 

Then one day during a client meeting at office, his phone buzzed relentlessly, Shaurya didn’t bother at first but when he looked up to see who was it, he was surprised, it was Manisha, almost choking from crying, she just uttered the words that were going to change both of their lives forever, ”Shaurya, Ashok met with an accident in Daryaganj while going to his house, he is in ICU & is very critical, he asked for you, try to come as soon as possible.” Then she broke down, Shaurya didn’t exactly remember the events after that but he remembered & probably never forgot the minute long conversation he had with a dying Ashok in the hospital, no words were spoken, both friends just looked into each other’s eyes & then Ashok died in Shaurya’s arms. That day it wasn’t Ashok who died but the three of them died together. It took them long enough to get back to the normal lives. Of all Manisha was the sufferer, she left her internship, left Delhi & came back to Bhubaneswar, declined job offers & became a recluse, Shaurya tried to console her, make her smile again, whatever he did, he reminded her of Ashok & she broke down, it took her a long 6 months to get back to the world. 

Shaurya recalled the night when Manisha came to his bachelor house near Sailashree vihar at 10 pm in the night drunk & laughing. When Shaurya offered to drop her, she declined “I want to be happy” she said, “enough of being a sorry sod, I want to live again, I am not mad, I just want to be happy again.” He couldn’t say no to her. That night, they both sat side by side, watched pictures of Ashok & them, cried, laughed & comforted each other. Shaurya almost forgot he ever loved Manisha, for the moment she seemed just like another wandering soul like him, they completed each other; they promised each other to be their old selves. All the while Shaurya felt happy for her over the next few months, bringing her to the normal again, Manisha started her own fashion classes in Bhubaneswar for budding fashion students, it went well, slowly she started designing for various brands & also for certain celebrities of Ollywood. She was successful now, she was happy, she was responsible, all the while Manisha found her being drawn towards Shaurya uncontrollably & inexplicably, he was not like Ashok but he was everything a woman would wish for, Shaurya was manly, handsome, caring & outgoing, he never expressed his feelings unless required, he never let her down. She tried sending messages expressing her feelings but every time Shaurya would act like he didn’t know or he didn’t want to know, there were never any dearth of girls with Shaurya before but nowadays he acted like a lone wolf, he concentrated on his work, he opened a new office by himself & started working hard, the only thing besides his work was Manisha. Shaurya could notice the closeness between them but he ignored his own feelings of the past until one day Manisha confronted him & proposed him. 

He tried to call it her obsession, what ensued was a 1 week long fighting & 2 week long pampering to tell her that he still considers him Ashok’s girlfriend & it will take some time to accept her as someone else. Finally Manisha agreed but her actions were still the same. Meanwhile Shaurya dealt with his own demons, he loved her but the feeling was locked away in a deep cavern in his heart, he wanted to let it out but he couldn’t, he tried, he did but the feeling was lost, lost somewhere in his own heart. He spent a lot of time with her, everyone around them, friends, family wanted them to be together, even Ashok’s parents wanted them to be together. Then one day, Manisha did something he didn’t expect, while watching a movie together at her house, she leaned on his shoulder, after a while he felt that she wasn’t looking at the screen or the movie, she was looking at him, he looked at her puzzled, she looked at him like a child, innocence in her eyes, mischief brewing slowly, she came closer to him, touched his face & caressed it, Shaurya was transfixed in his place, completely unprepared for all the things going on. Then Manisha came closer & kissed him gently, Shaurya was stunned, he didn’t know what happened next, he kissed her back gently, he caressed her hair, pulled her closer to him & as she started to open his shirt, the reality dawned upon him, he suddenly stood up, angry & ashamed at the same time of himself & his actions. He was burning up with guilt from inside; he got up & apologized & left her place. Before he slammed the door, all he saw was tears welling up in her eyes. For 2 days they didn’t talk, all the while Shaurya thought about everything that happened since day one of meeting with Manisha. 

He remembered their kissing, that moment of innocence when both of them couldn’t restraint themselves from each other, he gave that a deep thought & then he went up to the picture of Ashok & stood before it, then he spoke, “I hope wherever you are, you must be happy my brother, I don’t know what I am doing but I think if I don’t do this, I will never again be able to look into my own eyes in the mirror, I have always loved her not that I am taking advantage of the situation now that you are not around, I have loved her, I love her & I will love her forever, hope you understand.” Then he picked up his phone, glanced up at the clock, it was 2 am, muttered to himself” Game face, Game face”, then called Manisha. She answered but was silent, Shaurya mustered up his courage & then spoke “hello”, silence, “hello”, silence again, he felt like banging his head on the wall but then he said, “I know you are listening, please say something, I know the way I reacted was not right but I understand it was my mistake”, he was trying to explain when Manisha spoke up in an icy tone, “no, it was my mistake to feel that I fell in love with you, what I did was just a horny act of a slut,I guess that’s what you think of me now, don’t you Shaurya ?”. he felt like someone poured acid all over him, her words pressed like thorns into his heart, “how could you think of me as a lowly person, how could you think of yourself like this, no god no ”while he was trying to soothe her, she cut him short, “you don’t love me, you don’t try to love me, you don’t want to love me”, he decided it was enough now, “you can fight with me over the phone or you can fight with me tomorrow all day”, it was enough to calm her down, “tomorrow, all day ?”She gushed, “Yes tomorrow, just you & me, it’s a date”, he blurted out, silence on her end. Then she said, “10 am sharp, Maruti mall, be on time.” He managed a “Sure” before keeping the phone down.

The ignored cigarette singed his skin near the thumb, he jolted back from his memory lane, threw the lit cigarette after taking the last puff, rolled down the glass of his side window & let the air enter his car, the dust pushed in with the air but he didn’t care, it was his car not anyone else’s, he waited till the smell of cigarettes died & the car smelt somewhat less than before, he pushed on the ambi pur to let the smell off, all the while intently looking at her, preparing to face her after last night’s phone call. She looked like an angel in distress, looking for someone desperately; he rolled up the glass & switched on the AC. He looked at the mirror before seeing her, adjusted his ever so curly hair trying to look cool, took a deep breath & switched the music on & changed the music from the lonely island’s I just had sex to Christina Perry’s thousand years, her favourite. Then stepped on the accelerator & drove to the mall, stopped his car, rolled down the glass of his side window & looked at Manisha, she looked like she was waiting for someone, Shaurya knew better, she recognized his car & looked at him with anger, Shaurya braced himself for the debate that was going to ensue soon, honked & she started to walk towards him. Shaurya looked at her as she walked towards him, she was perfect in everything she did, even her gait looked like a supermodel’s ramp walk although gentle & not raunchy, as he was transfixed in his thoughts, a knock brought him back to reality, Manisha was knocking impatiently on the glass, even though his 10 minute preparation to see Manisha, Shaurya had forgot to unlock the side door of his car. He unlocked the door & she came in, she looked at Shaurya with mock anger twinkling in her eyes,” you are always late, its 10.20”, she complained. He tried to look innocent & cited his work at the office about some building design; “I was busy with the galaxy apartment design.” She sighed, “why do you always have to lie about your lateness, galaxy blah blah apartment, you can tell the truth, its 10 am you never go to your office before 10.30,” he felt astonished at her knowledge of him, “in this case, you can say that I didn’t think it was important to meet you or spend time with you, that’s why I was late”, she looked like she was hurt, it killed Shaurya to see Manisha hurt, she continued, “Who am I to you, I am just a liability to you, I am just your dead friend’s girlfriend whom you never liked & had to put up with.” Shaurya felt immensely bad about being reminded about Ashok like this, he corrected her, “you were Ashok’s girlfriend, not some dead friend’s, you are my best friend’s girlfriend & unfortunately he’s not with us anymore, don’t insult your & my relationship with him, we both know the value of our relationships with him & with each other.”, she again started to say something but Shaurya stopped her by putting his palm on her lips. 

It was a time for revelations, no more fights, no more misunderstandings, he gestured her towards the music player, turned up the volume a little bit, a thousand years played like a magic, she looked confused, her eyes twinkled with anticipation, he took off his hand off her lips, then he drew closer & uttered “I Love You, I have loved you since the day I met you, back then you were Ashok’s girl & I chose to forget you as my love but over the time & since he passed away, I have never stopped thinking about you, I Love you Manisha Ray, I loved it when you kissed me, I didn’t have the courage to do that, you for all I know you complete me & I will be miserable without you, I can’t say anything more but all I know that I love you madly, I Love You, I Love You.” She was crying lightly when he finished his sentence, she complained “why did you stop, you idiot”, “you sound so romantic when you say things like this”, then she drew closer & said, “I Love you too Shaurya Gautam, I Love You with all my heart.” Before she could say anything else & cry anymore, Shaurya grabbed her & kissed her, he kept kissing her until some people surrounded the car & started whistling at them. They came back to their senses, embarrassed, happy and nostalgic. As the hooting died down, Shaurya asked “where to baby?” & she smiled & replied “wherever we can be together.”

Then they drove off, to happiness, bliss & togetherness.